Life is So Precious

I am so sorry to report that one of my dear friends had a miscarriage on Wednesday. She was 8 months pregnant. The news hit me like a ton of bricks. It was so unexpected and I feel so sorry for her and her husband. I would really like to talk to her but I'm sure she really doesn't want to hear from anyone right now. I just spoke to her on Tuesday because she was planning her baby shower on July 12th. Wow, life is so precious. I really don't know what to say to her when I do talk to her. I mean, I can't even imagine what she's going through. I guess the best thing to do is to let her know that I'm here for her if she wants to talk or if she needs anything. I'm praying for her and her husband. Ladies, I ask that you do the same.

I must admit, for the first time since I started this blog, I was not totally honest with you ladies when I said I can't imagine how she feels. I never told any one this (not even Duane) but I had a miscarriage in March of 2006. I had no idea I was even pregnant. I'm not even sure how far along I was. All I know is that I started cramping bad, real bad. I thought it was just my endometriosis. The pain lasted for a few days. Then, the bleeding started. It was heavy and well , the only way I can explain it is that there where 'pieces' of something in the toilet with it. I had no idea what was going on. The thought that I was having a spontaneous abortion never crossed my mind. But as the days wore on more and more 'pieces' (for lack of a better word) started to come out. I was flipping out so I called my Mom. She immediately asked me if I was pregnant because it sounded like I was having a miscarriage. I told her no, I wasn't, but she wasn't so sure. Finally I went to 'Epi' (my gyno). I was so upset at this point that I cried the whole time I was in the exam room and his office. He's such a sweet man. He just consoled me and kept hugging me and giving me other (less likely) explanations for what I was experiencing. We talked for a long while. I got my antibiotics and left. I never told Duane. I'm not sure why, we tell each other everything. I don't think he would've been angry or anything like that, I just didn't tell him. When he asked, I told him I had an infection. I just wanted to pretend the whole thing was a nightmare and never happened. I never let myself grieve because I just wanted to forget it happened. I wanted to have just had an infection and move on with my life. (Little did we know 5 months later we'd get pregnant again with DJ. God is so good!) I guess my friend's experience has given me the opportunity to confront what I have tried to forget. I can now acknowledge that yes, I did have a miscarriage. I'm not sure why it happened but I can at least admit to myself and everyone else that it did happen. Wow, typing that last sentence is bringing tears to my eyes. A real sadness has come over me.



I lost my baby.......I have no more words.